@WeissBrandon: When I ask my wife if she wants help, she changes the subject and asks if a bear shits in the woods, like I'm some sort of bear scientist.
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@Lisa_Laughs_: Hey, I may not look like much right now, but believe me, in the morning I'll look even worse.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: all the King's horses and men couldn't put u back together HUMPTY DUMPTY: what now M: [opening package of bacon] I'll think of something
@sammyrhodes: Circle? Donut! Triangle? Pizza! Cylinder? Tater tot! - me teaching our 2yr old shapes