@LoveNLunchmeat: When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived.
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@moxieblogger: I pet my dog and she started to purr. Thought I should lay off the drugs until I realized the cat was sitting behind her.
@aka_fatman: Indiana Jones: [screaming as his hand is crushed under a door] ARRGGHHH! WHY? WHY DID I REACH FOR MY HAT? I OWN SO MANY HATS!!
@better_off_dad: I can't believe they get women to pay so much for those boots & can't even spell 'Ugly' right...
@EndhooS: Kid 1: Why'd you call me Aphrodite? "After the Greek goddess of love" Kid 2: What about me pop? "You're named after a famous chipmunk Alvin"