@Chumpstring: When I found out Carl was a beekeeper I stopped loaning him bees.
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@AIMMadellynne: Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers.. If you do find one... What's your plan?
@ruinedpicnic: parents, think twice before dressing your child as Cecil the Lion this year. my son will be dressed as a dentist, and I gave him a real gun
@Book_Krazy: 911 What's your emergency Me: I'm calling to complain about the quality of this cocaine 911: The police are on their way Me: Thanks