@FattMernandez: When I go to Burger King, I like to get a Whopper and a Whopper jr. then make the Whopper watch as I eat the Whopper jr.
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@SteveKoehler22: She gets stoked after reading: "Big strapping boxer" on dating site But soon discovers he's a 475 lb. guy working in shipping at Amazon.
@Token_Geezer: *sees baby* *feels sad that my kids aren't babies anymore* *sees look of exhausted despair in baby's parents eyes* *sadness evaporates*
@mkpaulsen: I asked my friend if he wanted a drink and he said to surprise him so I brought back a side salad.
@adamlucidi: You're following a man who once stole someone's garbage can lid and used it as an umbrella. That's on you.