@Swishergirl24: When I hear teenagers talk I wonder why there's not a high school class dedicated to learning the definition of the word "literally"
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@askceil: How to Talk To A Woman Who Is Hiding Behind That Plant. Now She's In The Alley. Wow, She's A Fast Runner. How To Talk To The Police.
@DanMentos: [grabs mic during TED Talk] They're towing a BMW in the parking lot *crowd goes apeshit*
@TedBundybitch: Don't mean to brag but I can turn a pair of fat pants into skinny jeans in like 3.5 months
@Ameiam: People are always like "you're so crazy" and I'm all like "please take off the restraints, I promise I won't do it again".