@bourgeoisalien: when I hit 45 I'm going to start sleeping in a coffin. let's be honest, my lifestyle choices have been questionable
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@VerifiedDrunk: I'll die fat, drunk & happy while you live healthy until you get run over by a bus... See ya at the cemetery!
@karencheee: Today I watched a meteor shower until it angrily pulled the curtains closed and yelled at me to stop peeping.
@ShesARealGenius: Him, sweaty from working out: Hey, babe, c'mere Me: Don't come any closer while you still have activity juice all over you