@mikeysny: When I learned what calculators did, I immediately cleared the "math" part of my brain to make room for more movie quotes.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@murrman5: *shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: I have married the crab. Day 3: I have eaten my wife.
@praisecheese: Me: I've invested heavily in hedgehog funds. You: I think you mean hedge funds. *opens door to roomful of hedgehogs* Me: Nope.
@caliluvgirl77: [introducing myself to new boyfriends parents] "Hi, I usually don't make it this far"
@AmishPornStar1: Pro Tip: You can disable the surveillance camera in your microwave by heating a metal fork on the high setting for 7 minutes.