@ilovepie84: When I play rock paper scissors I always pick Rock because Dwayne Johnson shows up and punches my opponent.
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@ThatBrenna: West Side Story gave me the wrong impression. No one at this gang fight is a good dancer and I've been shot in the arm.
@themorris23: Is it just me, or do toasters have like 4 settings too many? They should have 1 setting that reads: "Toast"
@corinnemlwsw: Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it's an intervention.
@PaperWash: [dog on trial for murder] lawyer: who's a good boy? dog: I am lawyer: your honor I rest my case