@Tierno158: When I refer to kids as "Snot-dripping, germ-spreading spawns of Satan" I hope you realize I'm not referring specifically to YOUR children.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Teen: Your brows are on fleek! Me: (confused) Yeah well your FACE is on fleek. Teen: Thanks! Me: God damn it.
@Amazon_Blonde: No beer or Snacks?!? WORST. PARTY. EVER. Family: uh...this is an Intervention Me: LAME, look, Grandmas so bored she's crying
@Lisa_Laughs_: I don't talk about my ex's because I like to start of with a clean slate. That, and they're dead to me. Well, to everyone, but mostly me.