@jackmackenroth: When I refer to old relatives passing away I never say "RIP" because I don't wants them to rest. I want them to Zumba.
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@remmarg_yelsel: I'd definitely watch a show with Dr. Phil going door to door reading people's Google search history out-loud with the most judgmental stare.
@1Happytwit: You shouldn't judge people. What if that bloke outside your window with a clown mask and knife is just a chef that lost his way.
@causticbob: Why is it the only thing a woman wants out of a man these days is security? Well it's the first thing they say when I approach them.
@jonnysun: how to talk to a woman wearing headphones: 1. be the artist she has currently chosen to listen to through her headphones