@jackmackenroth: When I refer to old relatives passing away I never say "RIP" because I don't wants them to rest. I want them to Zumba.
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@WSiefford: I'm so sorry my pet rock attacked you. Its just he really hates arrogant douche bags. Thank god he only hit your face.
@famoushorse: customers who viewed SHIMMERING LIGHTS OUTSIDE THEIR WINDOWS, also viewed THEIR FEET HELPLESSLY MOVING TOWARDS THE DARKNESS OF THE WOODS
@sofarrsogud: NARRATOR: When camping be wary of savage bears trying to take your food *camera pans to a bear holding glass of wine with a wtf expression