@VaguelyFunnyDan: When I saw "likes music" on her dating profile, I almost fell out of my chair. Because I also like music. Holy shit she likes good food too!
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@Tinkerbell_: There's no such thing as coincidence? I'm confused. If there is no such thing why did they name it? Coincidence? I think not Xx
@LackOfShame: Sorry I ate all your cake after you passed out and then drew your angry eyebrows on so you'd be ready to discuss it when you woke up.
@Sickayduh: Me: *goes to jail for murdering coworkers* Boss: You're still coming in early tomorrow, right?
@SteveSuckington: They say you should play dead if a bear attacks you. That shouldn't be that hard once he snaps your torso in half.