@VaguelyFunnyDan: When I saw "likes music" on her dating profile, I almost fell out of my chair. Because I also like music. Holy shit she likes good food too!
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@MDthrice: *on date* Me [don't let her know you're married] I have a wif..i hotspot on my phone. Her: oh that's cool. Me: yeah my wife got it for me.
@Gwinifer: Safe to say a good 38% of my life is spent trying to sleep while the 18yr old stomps through the house like an angry triceratops.
@sixfootcandy: I filled my brother's shampoo bottle with olive oil and glitter last night. Have a great day in court, counselor!