@vikkaroni: When I say ditto after someone tells me they love me, it doesn't mean I love them. It means I love me too.
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@Brianhopecomedy: I know I did a good job dressing my 3 year old when my wife doesn't have to tell everyone she sees that I dressed her.
@zachreinert03: In Texas you're allowed to shoot someone just for being on your property. Man if I lived there I'd host sooo many parties
@Ali_Kourani: “Are you sexually active?” [Flashback to that one time I sat in a chair a girl was just sitting in and it still felt warm.] “Yes.”