@puffin7911: When I say to my kids "sit here and watch cartoons" they hear "come and bug me while I am trying to take naughty pictures for daddy."
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@DILLONFRANCIS: My mom has been trying to forward me an email since Monday June 23rd.....it's now Friday June 27th.... still no email
@ThaJawn: Me: *trying to be cool* Scotch Bartender: Preference? Me: *nervously* hop Bartender: Bout time! *breaks out sidewalk chalk*
@UghNotAgain: Husbands. Can't live with 'em but have to take out the garbage and pay for everything without them.
@neiltyson: Odd that the silent way to alert performers they should quickly end their act is a gesture to slice your own throat.