@puffin7911: When I say to my kids "sit here and watch cartoons" they hear "come and bug me while I am trying to take naughty pictures for daddy."
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@LeonEarlgrey: The guy who created Virgin airlines probably didnt go to high school otherwise he would have called it "shes probably lying airlines".
@ThaJawn: *takes a hit off the joint *slowly exhales Ahhhhhh This is the best baked sale ever "It's a BAKE sale" *exhales again Tell me about it
@KKAlThani: "Good evening, I will be your waiter for tonight. What would you like to Instagram?" - how waiters should greet people
@Quadricycle: *Frantically typing on google* 'How to do CPR' *Opens video, 30 second ad pops up* [To dying person] Ok just hold on a sec