@david8hughes: When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he's homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
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@Sarcasticsapien: Why can't we edit tweets? Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."
@Cidisn: Auto mechanic: Well here's your problem. The last person to work on this didn't wash their hands after using the restroom.
@GrantTanaka: [supermarket] bagger: would you like some help out to your car? me: [lies down] oh that would be delightful
@MikeCanRant: People wont mess with you if you eat a cup of yogurt and then smash it on your forehead because youre tough and have healthy bowel movements