@TheresNoGodzila: When I see a kid on a leash I assume they were a dog turned into a kid by a witch & the owners have yet to figure out how to turn them back.
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@djdarrellripley: When I die I don't want a big funeral. I'd just like a few of my close friends to get together and try to bring me back to life...
@_NinJar: I was makin out with a cute girl but it got ruined when she ran her hand up my leg and squeezed all the spaghetti out of my pocket
@ItsAndyRyan: Just misread a headline 'Trump wins big' as 'Trump bins wig'. I thought: 'about time too'.