@TheresNoGodzila: When I see a kid on a leash I assume they were a dog turned into a kid by a witch & the owners have yet to figure out how to turn them back.
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@BeardedSteel: Cat: Lame. Just lame. Me: Shut up. Not everyone goes out Friday nights u know. Cat: Leave extra food out. Im bringing a girl home. Me: ...ok
@KalvinMacleod: Wile E Coyote: I can't get rid of this headache *TNT explodes* *anvil drops on his head* *bus flattens him* Dr: it's probably stress-related
@ssholeEric: Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
@charliedelta7: I don't have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow