@dmc1138: When I see a piece of gum in the urinal, I think of how painful that piss must've been for that guy.
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@GashleyMadison: [Takes dog to park] *waits for romantic comedy to begin
@clarkekant: Soft on Wall Street. Hard on Sesame Street. Romney 2012.
@mrjohndarby: [city marathon] ME *handing out drinks to the passing runners*: DRINK? RUNNER *grabs drink from me*: THANKS ME *chasing*: SO WHAT ARE WE?
@JermHimselfish: The average Hollywood producer green-lights 8 Spiderman reboots in his sleep
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