@One2thTEXAN: When I see couples madly in love, I just assume they met yesterday.
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@Douchekevin: Girlfriend kept nagging me to take her home to meet my family, so I did. Her and my wife aren't getting along.
@rose24_em: If a guy spread rose petals all over my apartment, I would literally look at him and just be like: "I'm not picking this up."
@baeblacksheep: ONLY text me in an emergency. Like my car's shooting flames from the trunk, one of my exes dies eventfully, or if someone thinks I'm sexy.
@SunnySideUp1987: If you text me in all CAPS, I will assume we are meeting In the street to fight in the near future.