@ilovepie84: When I smell weed coming from my neighbors house I call him pretending I'm the Mexican Cartel, and accuse him of stealing my drugs.
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@Donna_McCoy: I'm not leaving a will. My final act will be giving my family one more thing to fight about.
@QuickandSisi: If someone knocks on your door, knock back from the other side. That someone will go away. It works. Trust me, I just tried it this morning.
@76coop: 20 yrs from now they'll make a movie on how Leonardo DeCaprio never won an Oscar. Plot twist the actor playing him wins an Oscar.
@SuperTeeWhy: [Bar] "Two long necks please" Giraffe in the back: Wow. Did he just- Giraffe's wife: Cliff, he didn't mean anything by it please sit down