@ilovepie84: When I smell weed coming from my neighbors house I call him pretending I'm the Mexican Cartel, and accuse him of stealing my drugs.
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@david8hughes: Then god said, "Let there be light," and there was light and he regretted making Adam in the dark because he gave him Owen Wilson's nose.
@HomeProbably: Top 3 times you should never play with a woman's hair: 1) When she's angry. 2) Just had a haircut. 3) If you don't know her.
@AnkCoupleTO: I'm reexamining my life after buying 63 pounds of unsalted butter because it seems a little weird even by my standards