@joeljeffrey: When I tickle my imaginary friend, people think Im casting spells
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@markleggett: Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying "The court room sketch artist is so hunky."
@ihuffpaint: what do you mean I never take you anywhere we just took a 365 day trip around the sun
@ProdigyNelson: Her: when you said "magical in bed" this isn't exactly what I was exp- Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card Her: *softly* holy shit
@batkaren: HIM: You know what we should do at our wedding reception? [at the same time] ME: Murder-suicide HIM: The chicken dance!