@joeljeffrey: When I tickle my imaginary friend, people think Im casting spells
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@heidiknits: Just had a 9 minute argument with The Boy over why he needs to change his underwear this morning. Don't forget your birth control, friends.
@GrabTheWEness: *posts Social Security number on social media* *hopes someone steals his identity and pays off his mortgage*
@OneWonderWoman: A facebook friend posted, "I'm not ashamed of Jesus." It took every single ounce of my willpower not to reply, "Uh oh. What did he do now?"
@Kyle_Lippert: DATING IN THE 1800s 1) Get telegram from Mae 2) Wait to respond. Don't be desperate 3) Get telegram that Mae died of dysentery while waiting