@badbanana: When I want something a little healthier than an ice cream sandwich, I usually go for an ice cream salad.
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@NottaBigDeal: I was listening to my wife argue with our 5 y/o. I didn't want to tell her he was right so karate chopped the TV to create a diversion.
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: Says here you do magic tricks? ME: *hands him back his business card* Is this your card? INTERVIEWER: holy shit
@ArfMeasures: SATAN: Welcome to hell ME: That's nice, giving me a welcome S: I never thought of it like that M: You're a nice guy S: *tearing up* no u are