@badbanana: When I want something a little healthier than an ice cream sandwich, I usually go for an ice cream salad.
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@XplodingUnicorn: The most disappointing moment of my adult life was when I found out a vaporizer is an e-cigarette and not a death ray that vaporizes people.
@loudmouth_usa: Me: Ma'am your pet is loud. Lady: That's my baby. Me: Ma'am your pet baby is loud
@a_man_named_JED: School says strangers are handing out lick on LSD tattoos. I told my kids not to worry, no one is giving out good shit like that for free