@nerdreign: When I was 16, I thought I could slam and lock my bedroom door in the house my parents paid for. So they took my door. That's 80s parenting.
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@LizHackett: A child is being pushed around in a pink toy convertible while eating a chocolate frosted donut, and I want to ask her how she got this job.
@Parentpains: Sometimes I'll tell my wife the car is making a weird noise and I need to listen just so I don't have to hear her talk.
@michaelianblack: As new head of Westboro Baptist Church, I'm expanding who God hates. To start: delivery guys, vegetarians, and people who do Sudoku.