@OutOnTheMoors: When I was 20, a stranger ran up to me in the street and said we should get a divorce. That set the tone of weirdness for my adult life.
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@stephenjmolloy: Cop: "You have one call - make it important!" *phone* Me: "I've been arrested for making prank calls." Man: "Who is this?" Me: "Hugh Jass."
@FuckabillyRex: Her: Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Me: It's a meatball sub and I'm happy as long as I don't have to share
@paulhorne: I was just adoringly watching my dog sleep and he woke up and caught me and now he thinks I'm some stalker weirdo.
@therealeatwood: [Ouija Board] Me: Spirit, answer this one question—do you like me? Board: R E A D 1 2 : 3 7 P M