@kumailn: When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
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@Lazer_Cat_: *spits out mouthful of peacock feathers* I'm sorry, I thought these were for just anyone to eat. *gets escorted from zoo*
@JesKeepSwimming: Sorry I can't make it to lunch today. I forgot to shorten "people" to ppl in a text this morning and now I'm totally behind schedule.
@NinsunG: Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
@caseytduncan: If a turkey got murdered, the chalk outline would look like a giant preschooler's hand.