@kumailn: When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
@daemonic3: My friend said his dog retrieved a ball he threw over a mile away. I don't know, that seems pretty far fetched.
@causticbob: Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.
@MichaelSmartGuy: "It's five o'clock somewhere" I say as I leave work at 9am
@QwertyJones3: Moose: Sorry, I need to quit this yoga class.
Yoga Instructor: NahMooseStay!
@FatherWithTwins: Stickiest things in the world:
1) Children's library books