@PabloGSerski: When I was a kid. I used to come home drunk & beat my Dad.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: A guy with a ponytail wearing mirrored sunglasses and camouflage pants just checked me out and winked at me. Still got it.
@Rollmaninoz: *walks into starbucks* Me: HEY ANY ASPIRING AUTHORS HERE?? SOMEONE FROM PENGUIN PUBLISHING OUTSIDE!!! *has choice of any table*
@MableGertrude: I wonder how many people come visit our country and then immediately leave after trying a slice of American cheese.