@PabloGSerski: When I was a kid. I used to come home drunk & beat my Dad.
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@faizziy: That awkward moment when you die, and all you were trying to do was take a selfie with a lion on a jungle safari..
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Kristen Stewart seems like one of those missing milk carton kids who was raised by their kidnapper.
@Cheeseboy22: Saved my gall bladder in a jar so when they ask me at the DMV if I want to be an organ donor, I can put it on the counter and say, "YES!"
@JediGigi: "Is that old Chinese food in the trash? There's Q-tips in there too? AND a bag of my poop? This is gonna be so good!" --dogs