@PabloGSerski: When I was a kid. I used to come home drunk & beat my Dad.
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@WilliamAder: Don't ask me if I have a safety pin if you're going to look at me all weird when I pull one out of my pocket and hand it to you.
@jergarl: [7am] *drinks 19 cups of coffee for work *can't stay awake [9pm] *takes a sip of coffee [2am] I should vacuum the dog
@TheMichaelRock: Breaking News: Playboy to eliminate nude pictures from their magazine. "What's a magazine?" asked every guy under 30.