@JennyJohnsonHi5: When I was a kid I was so afraid of being kidnapped until my mom assured me there was no way in Hell anyone would ever want to take me.
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@iwearaonesie: wife: 9 got a ninja costume. Pretend you can't see him 9 [standing in front of the fridge] *giggles* me *hits him in the face with the door*
@skylerhanrath: *training the dog to sit* Me: So you're already low to the ground, but you must get lower.
@kelkulus: The Russian version of "How I Met Your Mother" is just a single episode showing a guy browsing a web page.