@N0pantz: When I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
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@chrisdowning: Pro Tip: If you stand outside a restaurant wearing a red jacket, people will literally just give you their car.
@MarkusJ: *first astronaut lands on Mars* NASA: How does it feel son? Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band
@BobbyBucchae: Watched Full House for not even a full minute & now I'm white with a credit score of 720
@MarcusTheToken: I am really shocked that there is not a website devoted solely to the most clever Wi-Fi names of all-time.