@N0pantz: When I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
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@YeahDrewisOn: Me: Damn girl your new selfie is awesome but isn't it a bit late to zombiefy yourself? Her: What's zombiefy? Me: ...Your hair looks great!
@wchoughton: Just overheard the phrase, "pregnant with a baby," and secretly wondered what the other options were.
@MommaUnfiltered: My daughter asked me if I know how to do the Running Man, like my generation didn't invent it. Anyway, that's what brings me to the ER.