@tastefactory: When I was going into surgery my dad said "Good luck w/ your surgery" and I said "you too" so now my dad has to get surgery too, he's pissed
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@TheMichaelRock: [at restaurant]] 8yo: why does mom eat half of your food? Me: because.. Wife *evil glare* Me *terrified* because I don't want it.
@NerishaLakha: Boyfriend and Boy friend..... See that little space between the second one? Thats called the friend zone!
@squirrel74wkgn: [sitting in van] Robber 1: Ready? Robber 2: Let's do this! Me: How do I...*trying to open egg container of pantyhose*...open this?