@tastefactory: When I was going into surgery my dad said "Good luck w/ your surgery" and I said "you too" so now my dad has to get surgery too, he's pissed
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@brianbowman73: Her: How would you describe that green sheep? Me: I don't know. Olive ewe? Her: I knew you'd say it first! I love you too! Entrapment 101
@ShipInTheKnight: Twitter is like a conversation at the water cooler. If the water cooler was full of vodka. And you could smoke. And the boss was out of town
@MarlonBrandNO: [DATE] ME: I'm a literature buff HER: who do you read? ME: read? *cut to me bench pressing like 70 copies of The Great Gatsby*
@writerPT: It's my mom's personal mission in life to save me 20% on all my purchases by clipping out and giving me every coupon known to mankind.