@ladyfiredancer: When I was younger MTV actually played videos. That's what the M stands for. Music. Not Maternity, Motherhood or Moron.
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@Carbosly: Me: My sex life is like your car. Friend: What? Sleek, performance-inspired, 6-speed, classic & acclaimed? Me: Nope. Electric powered.
@Black__Elvis: My gf said all I do is sit on the couch in my underwear all day but that's bullshit, I've never been able to fit my underwear onto my couch.
@BeardSpice: How to kill two birds with one stone: Step 1: throw a stone at a bird Step 2: go pick up that stone Step 3: throw it at another bird