@Pork_Chop_Hair: When I weakly slam the microwave door, but it doesn’t latch and springs back to smack me in the face... I probably deserved that.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@hashtag_stacks: 'Sorry I liked your Facebook status, I was using my laptop as a plate'- my autobiography
@TheHyyyype: wife: ugh the baby's been crying for hours, can you take over? me: sure *starts crying for hours*
@dmc1138: When I see a piece of gum in the urinal, I think of how painful that piss must've been for that guy.
@TotallyAllen: HOW TO START A CONVERSATION ON THE BUS: Look longingly out the window and remark, "Such a shame this is all just gonna burn."