@joeljeffrey: When I'm at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend
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@AaronFullerton: Wife: Nothing you could say could convince me that cockroaches aren't the worst. Me: Wall-E's friend was a cockroach. Wife: Except that.
@Area51eh: This no more tears shampoo sucks. I've been feeding it to my friends kid and he's still crying. nnnnMust be doing something wrong.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Women would be better serial killers if they didn't smile when people mention someone's been missing
@Cheeseboy22: I'm a spitting image of Ryan Gosling. Like if Ryan Gosling were to spit and look at his reflection in it, that would be me.