@JayMindX: "When I'm dead, I'd like you to buy a $9,000 box and throw it down a hole."
@jonnysun: "911 whats ur emergency"
omg im DYING
"we'll send someone right awa–"
i met THE funiest guy
"ok wait so ur not actualy–"
AND HE STABBED ME
@NikatNiteNite: Men go to bars for 2 reasons:
1) They don't have a wife to go home to.
2) They have a wife to go home to.
@Book_Krazy: 9: Mom, why are all those girls standing on their tiptoes?
Me: Because they're ballet dancers
9: Why didn't they just get taller girls?
@Hormonella: Twitter is the new flypaper.
@Urfavgoodboy: You wanna take this outside bro? You sure bro? It's awfully chilly bro. Hold on bro, let me grab my scarf.