@Ghetto_Trophy: When I'm feeling inadequate, I remember that there are women who marry their prison pen pals, and then my own decisions don't seem so bad.
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@ryaninco: God: I will create a being to cook, clean, serve and obey. Adam: what will it cost me? God: an arm and a leg. Adam: what can I get for a rib
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: Why does Mom wear makeup? Me: To look pretty. 5: But she's already pretty. Me: Aww. 5: Dad, you should wear makeup.
@SufficientCharm: *Squatting over cat litter box* Husband: What the fu- Me: THERE'S A SPIDER IN THE BATHROOM
@EJGomez: God: ok u can make one human that's it Satan: how do u feel about toupees & the name Donald