@Token_Geezer: When I'm in a room full of toddlers, I can't help but scan it for potential serial killers
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@ojedge: [red carpet] "So Ryan, who are u with tonight?" Ryan Gosling [proudly] "My parents" [two geese in black tie nervously shuffle to his side]
@Cheeseboy22: Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."