@Stellacopter: When I'm out with my kids and I see an x-boyfriend I like to scare him by saying "Don't make eye contact with daddy."
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@Traceylei2: Tried to get my 7 year old cousin to play Hungry Hungry Hippos but the fences at the zoo are really high.
@madcaplaughs30: I hope this magician is good [curtain rises to reveal a man with no goatee] get your coats, children. that man is a fraud.
@ericsshadow: [flying remote control helicopter near my wife] GET THAT THING AWAY FROM MY- [helicopter gets tangled in her hair & now I'm a dead person]
@scottdedalus: Just thinking up snappy comebacks to painful conversations I had 22 years ago. What are YOU doing?