@Stellacopter: When I'm out with my kids and I see an x-boyfriend I like to scare him by saying "Don't make eye contact with daddy."
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@mommy_cusses: *takes picture of son putting ornament on the tree* Okay, now give that back to mommy and don't touch another one, okay?
@DonSchanke: For once I would like to find a babysitter that doesn't get all upset when she gets to my house and realizes I don't have kids
@OhNoSheTwitnt: My desires are... unconventional. (Hands you a phone and makes you call my boss and quit my job for me)