@Ivsy01: If he asks you to be his girlfriend say yes and then hide from him so he can never break up with you.

@MiniiG: If you complain about not being able to find your boyfriends name on a keychain that store will think you have a boyfriend

@WildeThingy: [dog social media] Post: *picture of a cat falling out of a tree* caption - "woof, woof, woof." Dog reading: hahahahahaha. *retwoofs*

@CauseWereGuys: Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri "What do women want?" She has been talking nonstop for the last two days.

@TaintUrBalls: I pick up hitchhikers cause then when I'm pulled over the weed is his.