@tarashoe: when i'm stressed i close my eyes and imagine i'm on a beach, neurotically pacing back & forth within a very small section of that beach
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@ericsshadow: If you stand next to a fatter person you look better. That's why I work at Burger King.
@ClichedOut: Exec 1: So, you wait in long lines. No shade. Crying kids. Drinks cost $7.00. Exec 2: Nice. What do we call it? E1: Lol, "amusement park."
@gobmentcheese: Interviewer: So, tell me a little about yourself. Me: I'm very attracted to you right now.
@Just_Lee_: My horoscope says I will meet the man of my dreams today. Not sure how my husband will take the news but I'm pretty damn excited