@doguacate: when interviewing a person for a dog walking position, you must make absolutely certain that given the chance, the applicant won't eat a dog
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@genehunter1: Twitter is the only place where you're thrilled when a complete stranger starts following you.
@thinkingparsnip: *sitting bolt upright out of a dead sleep* PANTS MADE OUT OF EGGPLANTS CALLED AUBERJEANS
@cornax: The IBS drug commercial that mentions "urgent diarrhea" implies there's also a laid back, non-urgent form of diarrhea that I've never had.