@michaelianblack: When is carotene going to get out of beta mode?
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@SirEviscerate: [JAN 1] *tears off Dec 2016 calendar page* [JANUARY 2016, Part 2] What? *flips* [YOU DIDN'T THINK] *flips* [2016 WOULD END, DID YOU?!] NOO!!
@ilovepie84: I put a message in a bottle and threw it in the Ocean. The note said "I have Tuberculosis and I coughed in this bottle"
@ewfeez: *at snowman mortuary* Ma'am was your husband's wish to be liquified or broken into chunks and thrown at the people he hated?
@kelkulus: Female praying mantises bite the heads off males while mating, so if your mantis boyfriend shows up without a head, he was cheating on you.