@ibid78: When life hands you lemons make sure those lemons aren't evidence in a murder that life's trying to frame you for.
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@KKAlThani: "Dad, how did you fall in love with mom?" "Well, son, long story short I saw her picture on Instagram and it was love at first...filter."
@Tinkerbell_: If simply wrinkling my nose at your smell is politer than spraying you head to foot with Febreze then so be it. Not happy but so be it.
@jonnysun: ME: [in santa costume, covered in chimney soot] that was hard. how does santa do it WIFE: well santas not real, hun ME: [drops cookie] WHAT
@BigGucci_Idz: It's funny when guys say "treat your girl right or I will" lol if you could treat girls right then where is your girl?