@WilliamAder: When making small talk at a tweet-up, avoid using the word "fungus."
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@_sleepysmile: Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
@novicefather: I found three french fries inside my $1 McDouble. Dream big, kids. Anything is possible.
@ch000ch: [does jerk off motion for 2 hours] and that concludes the hearing impaired translation of the presidential debate. all of them. god bless