@Carbosly: When my boss asks me if I can "take a stab at this", I always hope she'll point to that coworker we all hate.
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@Chumpstring: [blind date gets in car] Okay, I wanna have dinner early so we can go to Petco & watch 'em feed the snakes. Unless you wanna do Petco first.
@LeBearGirdle: [At dinner with wife's friends] Me: may I chime in Wife: I swear to God if you brought your chimes- *my bag dings a little as I unzip it*
@lizetagge: Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles.