@Emma_HumbleBea: When my cat has an accident on the carpet, he hides to escape responsibility. It's a, "shit and run".
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@LeBearGirdle: Guy at door: How would you like to make a donation to our local orphanage? Dad: yea sure [yells up to me] son, you live with this guy now!
@generaldietz: priest: you may now kiss the pride me: excuse me? priest: *motions to the other side of the altar where 7 to 8 lions with lipstick wait*