@man_spach: When my cats look out the window at another cat I like to pretend they're judging and disparaging it with little British accents.
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@DionneMcNutt: Using Romeo & Juliet to express how inlove you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
@JWilsonGA: No, PSA, buzzed driving isn't drunk driving. Buzzed driving gets me home 51 weekends a year, drunk driving gets me home w/a fat chick.
@theshamingofjay: Ugh, Amazon Prime takes two whole days for delivery. I wish there was a way I could buy things and get them immediately.
@ofcourseyoudid: Bird of peace? The dove Bird of war? The hawk Bird of true love? ..wait for it... .... The swallow *walks offstage