@man_spach: When my cats look out the window at another cat I like to pretend they're judging and disparaging it with little British accents.
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@OfficialMizGin: There’s nothing more disappointing for a woman than finding out a bearded guy in a flannel shirt is a hipster and not a lumberjack.
@gingerfaced: What do you mean you were really drunk? I already changed my Facebook relationship status for you.
@DougBenson: I don't like it when my phone puts a word in "quotals" like I made it up or I'm stupid or something.