@TweetingDadGuy: When my daughter gets older, she will have a camera phone OR a mirror. Not both. Thanks for the advice Twitter.
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@mattchew81: A nicer way to tell someone their breath stinks is to say "I'm bored, let's go brush your teeth!"
@RockabillyJay: If fire shoots out of the chimney the Papal Conclave has selected a new drummer for Slayer.
@jabba_jabba_jaw: Hug your children. Hug your friends and family. Hug the cashier at Chipotle. Hug someone else's children. Hug the arresting officer.