@simoncholland: When my wife asks me to do that one thing in the bedroom that she really likes, she's talking about vacuuming.
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@cloudypianos: *lady shares a wallet photo of her son* *i pull out a 20-part accordion wallet photo set of my dogs*
@DonQuickoats: I wonder if they sell tumbleweeds on eBay, as it would be cool to have a few following me around the office wherever I go
@PaperWash: The Bible is so unrealistic, Noah's wife would have never allowed two spiders on that boat.