@simoncholland: When my wife asks me to do that one thing in the bedroom that she really likes, she's talking about vacuuming.
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@BlondAmbitionTO: When I die, before I'm cremated, fill me with popcorn kernels for one last laugh.
@CornOnTheGoblin: she loves me [takes bite of hotdog] she loves me not [takes another bite of hotdog]
@polksalad: Just found out my cat lied about being pregnant just to try and save our relationship and cover up for getting fat.