@weinerdog4life: When one door closes another door opens, pretty sure my house is haunted, I sleep on the porch
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@Vodkantots: Whoever said, "there's no place like home for the holidays" clearly hasn't been to my house.
@sixfootcandy: (Breaks car window to save a dog) Guy: I'm in the car! Me: Yeah but it's hot Him: The AC is on! Me: Can I get in? It's really hot out here.
@LMFaye: The fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.