@nealbrennan: When people are trending on twitter, I know that they died or said something racist.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Cleaning up is a superpower. Don't you want to be a superhero? 5-year-old: I'll just be a bad guy.
@_davidlucas_: He goes out for a run, and doesn't even stop to sniff any crotches. Humans are weird. ~Dogs.
@StillJessLS: Damn you Jehovah's, suckered me in to opening my door. Sure,I'll read your literature, while you read my twitter. We'll see who converts who