@evidentlyblonde: When people ask me "plz" because its shorter than "please".. I just tell them "no" because its shorter than "yes."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MartaEffing: I joked at school drop off that the white stuff on my kid was powdered sugar, not cocaine, but I took it too far by rubbing some on my gums.
@liv_thatsme: "Don't you wish you had children?" Me: Don't you wish you had money, free time, & sanity?
@AlexRogaski: *lifts 10 pound weight* Nice. *adds "salmon" to list of animals I could protect a woman from*
@leifromloihi: [opens fortune cookie] be careful what you wish for [opens another] this is your final warning