@melpraktis: When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
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@KalvinMacleod: [funeral] ME: I never know what to say at these things. WIDOW: sorry for your loss. ME: it's ok, I'm sure I'll think of something.
@ieatanddrink: I used to think I could control ducks with my mind but it turns out ducks & I just have very similar ideas about what stuff ducks should do
@kirstiealley: I thought I found a baby owl today that needed help. He was an adult pigmy owl who let me pick him up then clawed and bit me. He is free now