@melpraktis: When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Him: I'm a lover, not a fighter Me: [already has on boxing gloves] Awwww, that's so sweet, should be an easy knockout then
@MatCro: ELECTRICIAN: [walks into home] GF: WHY ARE YOU IN SO LATE? E: Honey, we've talked about this. GF: [sadly] Ok.... wire you insulate?
@AaronNevins: You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.