@melpraktis: When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
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@maxhaarhaus: Her: so tell me a fun fact Me: the plural of octopus is really octopodes! H: I mean about yourself... M: ...I know the plural of octopus
@knot_eye: Me: You say all the right things. Her: I didn't say anything. Me: Shhh Don't ruin this for me.
@truegritrumble: (Going to Wife's Work Party) WIFE: Don't just be quiet like last time. (Later at Dinner) ME: Did you know marsupials are not a kind of soup?