@melpraktis: When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
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@mrtruthandsoul: Top 5 oxymorons: 1. Jumbo shrimp 2. Civil war 3. Virtual reality 4. Great outdoors 5. Family vacation
@primawesome: My mom was the best mom. I hope your mom spends today thinking about what she could've done to get on my mom's level.
@ericsshadow: SON: I'm moving out as soon as I turn 18 and you can't stop me. ME: [pumping fist] If you insist.
@Kendragarden: If I were gonna give advice about how to survive leaving your phone at home, it would be this: stare at something else. I chose a weird baby