@lucascomedian: When pigs fly they will have the most delicious wings.
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@StellaGMaddox: My daughter wrote, "I will see you every day of our lives," on my Mother's Day card, so I guess we've resorted to threats now.
@XGibbons: Lifeguard 1: How was your day? Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad? 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers
@_ElvishPresley_: [Obama giving Trump the White House tour] O: and here's the toaster, it tends to stick so don't be afraid to jam a fork in to get it workin