@TheGladStork: When rapping in my car, I hold my phone to my ear so passersby think I'm on an intense business call.
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@veggiefemme: A moment of silence for those who sacrificed themselves to determine which mushrooms taste good with pasta, which are fun & which kill you.
@JediGigi: [cute guy approaches at bar] Him: Hey can I... Me: [blushing] Yes? Him: Can I get a pic of you for my mom? You look just like my grandpa.
@orange_rhymer: Doc: have you been displaying any symptoms of vampirism? Me: I've been.. Doc: ... Me: ... Doc: ... Me: ... Doc: ... Me: Coffin. Doc: get out