@TheGladStork: When rapping in my car, I hold my phone to my ear so passersby think I'm on an intense business call.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheTweetOfGod: "God is good all the time!" Yeah. Not you though, Russ. You sucked for 55 frigging minutes.
@bossy_bootz: Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
@GrabTheWEness: [Weather Channel Secret Memo] To technical crews: If blizzard doesn't reach predicted intensity, shoot all exteriors through snow-globes.
@Sean_Burgundy_: [1st date] Waiter: Can I get you a drink ma'am ? Me: Wow really bro right in front of me?